Lacking

Hey, Jude,

I read in your last newsletter that you have room for 2 new coaching clients. I immediately thought, "I would love to coach with someone involved in direct inquiry!"

And then my thought of lack came banging in right behind that. "I can't have that if I don't have the resources.....this is a business for her."

So how do you move forward when it appears you need financial resources to do so? Have you worked with someone in this seeming paradox before?

I end up just coming to the conclusion that I am not supposed to have access to these kinds of things at this time. However, it feels like this is the time they would be extremely helpful.

Do you have any thoughts or suggestions?

Gratefully,

Lacking $

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Dear L. $,

A longtime client who considers her work with me "the best investment I've made in my entire life" mentioned, "When I tell friends they should try this coaching, they always say right off that they can't afford it; I say if I can come up with the money, which has been a miracle in itself, they could too, but they aren't open to it yet."

Of course, they (and you) may be right, objectively, that they simply don't have the resources to hire a coach now. Or they may just not want to rearrange priorities--perhaps a wise choice, certainly a valid one. But I wonder if the thought of lack that you saw banging in so quickly might also be a defensive slamming of the mental brakes, a reflex to ward off change.

With or without a coach, questioning who you really are beyond the habit of identification with thought can bring radical transformation; self-inquiry erodes the illusory dictatorship of the fear based ego-self. Focusing instead on what's lacking can give us a sense of (negative) control, a familiar reference, a shore of known identity to cling to. Sometimes "not enough" works as a secretly comforting excuse, a limit, a holding back from the boundless fullness of life beyond all conditions and circumstances.

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Yes, I have worked with many people (starting with myself) suffering from binds made of thoughts of lack...which dissolved before their eyes when they saw their "problem" differently.

Once I felt strongly inspired to work with a coach who charged more per hour than I was scraping together for rent. I asked if she'd consider a trade. She gave me some wonderful coaching for free--by modeling an open-hearted 'no' based on her clarity about what she needed to charge; her honest limit didn't close down our beginning connection, but actually deepened it.
The grace of that experience came with immediately realizing that I was being supported rather than refused. In reality, I got exactly what I wanted (brilliant coaching from her), but only in the moment, not according to my plan for the future.

Before doing The Work of Byron Katie, I probably would have seen that perspective as pasting on a happy-face to deny my disappointment. And I might have spun myself some righteous resentment about her fees for good measure. Instead, over time, without my even noticing, steady self-inquiry had brought me into unforced gratitude; it took me out of denial about the abundance that was really available in reality.

(If you'd like help with investigating your beliefs using The Work of Byron Katie, there are amazing, experienced facilitators available at The Institute For The Work Hotline, for free.)

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Later, I actually did wind up trading with that coach, for some very helpful sessions. It came about in an unexpected way better than either of us could ever have dreamed up, with silent chortles from a friendly trickster universe in the background.

The original no and the bonus yes of that situation were equally supportive, generous gifts. Gifts are more fun when they are surprises. Sometimes they come wrapped in a convincing disguise, so at first they don't look like a gift at all.

Or sometimes there may be a deeper treasure hidden inside what looks like the obvious gift.

I received a hidden gift like that after a period of low funds and tightening financial worry which brought up more and more of my scarcity thoughts to question. I kept discovering that I really had all I needed, and more--but again, only in the present--until the next thought of lack would come.

Then I found some money I had completely forgotten about. The pressure was off, life looked bright and full of possibility. It appeared that a cash infusion had neatly solved my worry problem. But this seemed to contradict everything I'd been learning through inquiry--that it was not the actual lack of resources which caused my stress, but only my thoughts about that perceived lack and what it meant.

Next, the gift of a liberating insight arrived, right on time. I felt better because I had stopped looking for a solution outside myself, not because I had gotten what I believed made further seeking unnecessary. The relief was in the stopping, not the getting. It really was the same relief I'd felt every time I had inquired into a belief of not-enough and found it untrue. I could enjoy the money that showed up without wondering if my freedom from fear depended on it.

(Have you encountered Gangaji, author of The Diamond In Your Pocket? She speaks eloquently about this kind of stopping, and the realization it allows of the unconditional love, peace and abundance available within.)

Double Portrait of Gangaji '08
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You already have the gift of being able to witness your thought of lack zooming in without wholly believing it. You wrote, "it appears" that you'd need more resources to get the help you'd like, and recognize this as a "seeming" paradox, so clearly you already question the reality of these concepts.

To go further, you might ask yourself, how is it actually necessary to moving forward that your resources be exactly as they are? Think of tangible, genuine reasons and evidence for the truth of this possibility.

You could also question, "I need to move forward"--is that really true? Would you rather have progress, or fully arrive here and now to discover there's nothing to improve?

Who would you be without that familiar song I Don't Have The Resources playing in your head? Who would you be if you couldn't believe it?

The point of this kind of exploration is not to start seeing a half-empty glass as half-full, though that might be a side effect. It's about meeting the place inside where the cup truly runneth over no matter what, and relying on it. From that awareness, the sigh of grudging resignation ("Oh, well, it just must not be meant to be") gives way to delighted curiosity about where the life-dancer will waltz you around to next.

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Acceptance of things as they are can look like passivity. If we realize that all is well in the present, where's the motivation to make changes? How do we deal with the fact that we still have wants that aren't being met yet, if we see that attachment to fulfilling them distracts from noticing the grace of the Now?

Byron Katie observes, "Love moves." Unobstructed by stressful beliefs, our true nature of love takes clear, efficient, effective action; (she adds, "Don't take my word for it, test it for yourself.") Acceptance is the ground beneath our feet, the place love can move from.

If you really want something, accept that you want it, to start with. With your willing, honest, most open mind, deeply question anything that seems to stand in the way. Question for the sake of peace in the present, expecting nothing. You may find yourself moving rapidly and decisively along the zig-zag path towards your truest desire, or something even better, as many who do The Work have reported.

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Lack thoughts seem to have a life of their own, disregarding actual bank balances. People with access to enormous wealth can experience the very same fears and frustrations of perceived lack as people with much less; people in great poverty can experience the peace of enough. Lack is really only a thought, a thought that can change, a thought that passes without your investment of belief in it. This goes for resources of energy, health, attention, time, or talent, also, not just money. Inquire and test it for yourself.

The challenges and limitations we inevitably meet can be welcomed as doorways to a deeper dimension. Or not! I find I don't always fall in love at first sight with things apparently not going my way, and full acceptance of that aspect of humanity is a fine place to rest, to stop or to start.

Anyway, that's enough from me on your wonderful topic--and enough is enough!

Thanks so much for your honesty,

Jude

P.S. Here's a video of Katie doing The Work with a crowd on the thought "I need more money."